“Weren’t you with the guy who’s on trial?” the girl questioned. Peter winced as he heard the words. He had tried his best to melt into the crowd, not wanting to be noticed, but unable to tear himself away from the courtroom drama unfolding as the night wore on. “I have no idea what you’re talking about!” he answered defensively, fear making his voice just a little louder than he had intended.
Peter eased himself away from the group, attempting to be casual. Hoping to regain anonymity, he joined a circle of court staff warming themselves by an open fire. The firelight cast harsh highlights and shadows on his face as he turned around, trying to let the warmth from the flames soak in from all sides. Slowly, he became aware that someone was staring at him across the fire.
“Yeah, this guy definitely was with him. I recognize him!” Peter slowly turned, seeing the pointing finger directed at him. “&$#%@!, you’re crazy. I don’t know him from Adam!” Peter retorted, letting a little anger turn his voice harsh. Peter finally made an admission to himself. He was afraid. He was really afraid! Ever since the garden, seeing Jesus captured violently, he had been afraid. His one attempt to defend Jesus failed when he missed the attacker’s head and lopped off his ear instead. And then, to have Jesus miraculously re-attach the ear and tell him to put up his sword- He was the Christ, wasn’t he? But he was going down! Peter lost all the will to resist and started thinking about survival. He had no desire to be captured and tried as a troublemaker like Jesus!
He felt someone jab him in the shoulder. Turning, he saw a relative of the man he had attacked in the garden. “Deny it all you want, but you are definitely with that guy! Besides, your accent says you aren’t from around here!”
Peter stared dumbstruck as his heart pounded several heavy beats. This was it. He could almost feel the rope being tightened around his wrists, hear the tearing sound of his coat being ripped from his shoulders, feel the bite of the chunks of metal woven into the whiplash as it ripped into the muscle of his back. No, no, no! Not him, not here. Not tonight!
He inhaled through his nostrils. Opening his mouth, the most vile curses poured out. Everything he had heard from the rough fishermen on the docks in Galilee. He lost all reverence for God’s name, saying things that no Jew would ever utter, thoroughly denying that he had ever known Jesus.
And then he heard the sound, the unexpected, yet normal sound piercing the early morning air. The sound of a rooster crowing. Once, then silence, then once again.
Horrified, Peter instinctively looked behind him toward the courthouse hoping against hope that…. But there he stood. Jesus, beaten, bruised and bloody. Jesus, the one who had heard him promise loyalty to the death just a few hours ago. Jesus, the one who had predicted his failure.
Then Jesus answered, “Will you really lay down your life for me? I tell you the truth, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times! John 13:38 NIV.
Peter could feel the guilt weighing heavily on his shoulders. He stood rooted to the ground, unable to move. Tears began to make their way down his face. He felt their saltiness on his lips. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Jesus. What would he say? What would he do? Had Jesus heard his every word?
No words came from Jesus’ lips. No harsh expression showed on his face. Peter stared. Sorrow filled Jesus’ eyes. Recognition that Peter had failed him just as He said he would. But there was something else in those eyes. Something that made Peter feel even more guilty. Something that could only come from God.
The tears were free-flowing now. His body racked with sobs, Peter finally turned from Jesus and staggered toward the courtyard gate, trying to get away from those eyes.
Father, let me stand for You today. Let me be willing to be counted for You today. Let me joyfully be recognised as Yours today. And if I fall- no, and when I fall, look at me like Your Son looked at Peter. Amen.
Part 1 of a 3 part series followed by 153 Miracle Fish and Triple Commit After Breakfast.